York Students Explain How They Manage to Stay 'Woke'

‘I have chronic insomnia’

‘I am an immortal being with no concept of rest, I have not shut my eyes since the dawning of the first day’

‘A mischievous elf stole my eyelids last summer after I forgot to leave him an offering’

These are just some of the shocking responses to our survey; clearly the only way to avoid the ‘wokerati’ is to grab those Spongebob pyjamas, brew a mug of piping hot cocoa, and snuggle up with some ambient rainforest sounds that will dominate your Spotify wrapped no matter how much you claim to listen to Mitski.