York Freshers to be Allowed Two Conversations Before They Must Apply For Student Housing

Oh you wanted to get to know your flatmates and assess their personalities as well as their compatibility before making an educated decision on housing based on shared budgeting and careful research? No.

Given that deadlines for house application have been getting earlier and earlier, our beloved and hard-working overlords landlords have reluctantly decided to bite the bullet and just require freshers to lock in their second year house choices once they have finished their second conversation of the academic year.

You wasted your two interactions on asking someone their name and telling your dad he could not under any circumstances use the flat toilet? Tough. You’ll find out everyone else’s names when you see them on the lease.

Landlords shared some advice for freshers which essentially boiled down to ‘don’t become Mortal Enemies with the people you plan to live with’, but added that this didn’t really matter to them as long as any blood spilt was promptly cleaned up and left no stain.

However, there is no need to despair! As compensation for the inconvenience every student will get a free Mysterious Damp Patch on move in day, with a second one to follow six months later.