Rishi Sunak to Open Mental Health Clinic that Looks Suspiciously Like a Shein Factory

Aware that his glorious leadership is nearing a calamitous end at the hands of charismatic jack-the-lad Keir Starmer, Rishi Sunak has taken to hurriedly passing legislation close to his heart, namely putting the mentally ill to work.

Rishi is a man of compassion and heart, so his new mental facility will boast all the state of the art treatments money can buy: a conveyor belt (to help patients visualise their path to healing), sharp needle and thread (arts and crafts can often be quite peaceful) and a malevolent and litigious HR department (sometimes all you need is some tough love). Other benefits (don’t say that word too loudly around him) will include the provision of a personalised bottle of water to urinate in while attending to one’s crafts and a meticulously trained overseeing professional (the degree might be in management).

Suggestions were made that a similar model could be used in factories for the creation of Doc Martens, but it was decided the producer-buyer relationship would be too incestuous.